Feeling Angry At Your Partner? Let’s Talk About It

Many of us get angry at our partners. In fact, it would be weird not to. We are human, after all, and anger is a part of normal human emotions. While anger by itself is not bad, how you deal with and express it can have negative impacts on your relationship if it is not done in a healthy manner.

If you have an idea that healthy couples never get mad at each other, or shouldn’t get angry, it is time to drop that myth. The trust is that every couple fights. Even healthy couples can get into heated arguments.

Anger can be useful for couples in most cases, although still uncomfortable. Anger can act as a catalyst that helps partners confront their unaddressed issues.

It is, of course, hard work to sit down and actually talk about an underlying problem and the anger that it causes but the costs of ignoring it are high. Having unaddressed or suppressed anger will usually lead to resentment and stress. These are dangerous for relationships and human health.

These are some examples of what not to do when you are feeling angry:

• Don’t direct any criticisms towards your partner’s character

• Don’t make broad generalizations and assumptions

• Don’t use sarcasm, insults, put downs, shame or blame tactics and threats

• Don’t use the silent treatment by giving the cold shoulder or withholding love

• Don’t yell, throw things, or show aggressive behaviours

• Don’t speak or act when your emotions are heightened and powerful

Having unhealthy responses like that won’t create any positive changes, but they can end up hurting you, your partner and your children who witness your actions. Instead, here are some healthier ways to communicate and respond to your anger:

Focus on criticisms towards your partner’s action and inaction

• Speak when you are feeling more in control of your words and actions

• Use self-soothing strategies in order to help yourself become calmer

• Discuss and respect boundaries surrounding angry interactions

Things to realize when you are angry at your partner:

Try To Understand Why You’re Angry

Be as specific as you can. Are you angry about a specific action or inaction from your partner? Whatever the reasons for your anger, you should find it. Be open minded and kind to yourself during this process. You won’t need to figure it all out right at this moment. But you should at least spend some time reflecting to gain some insight. Awareness about why you are angry is the first step in addressing these emotions and moving on.

Keep Self-soothing Techniques On Hand

It’s not about never getting upset, it’s about knowing how to deal with your anger when it comes up. And you don’t need to be 100 percent calm before talking with your partner about what makes you upset. Make sure that you are just calm enough to stay in control of your words and actions.